Signs that you work for a narcissist and how to deal with them

Individuals with narcissistic personality behaviour have a a lack of empathy, a sense of grandiosity, and a constant need for praise.¹ They can learn ways to manipulate others and feed their narcissistic supply. A narcissistic boss may rise through the career ranks quickly by charming their superiors, but abuse those working for them.

A grandiose narcissist may be easy to spot, but covert ones might be more difficult to recognize. Regardless of the type of narcissist working under a narcissist boss can cause chronic stress.

Here are some signs that your boss is a narcissist:

1. They Talk About Themselves Almost Exclusively

Those with narcissistic personality disorder tend to think of themselves most of the time. They are very conscious of their physical appearance, wealth, talents, and achievements—and they expect your attention while they tell you about these attributes. These comments may tend to be exaggerated and are not necessarily accurate reflections of their lives.

2. They Have Fantasies of Greatness

Narcissists tend to be filled with elaborate fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect partner. Because of these imaginings, they feel they should have the best of everything—houses, cars and clothing or other status-affirming things like where they attend school. These wishes are a way for narcissists to fend off inner feelings of emptiness and shame and instead feel special and in control. They experience immense frustration and anger when their visions are not achieved.

3. They Require Constant Praise

Despite how outwardly confident narcissists may portray themselves, they are often quite vulnerable and insecure, with fragile self-esteem. To continually prop themselves up, they require near-constant attention, praise, and admiration. Narcissistic bosses also may expect to be recognized as superior even without achieving anything warranting praise.

Due to their fragile egos, narcissists are highly reactive to criticism. Any comments that shine a spotlight on their insecurities or flaws may be met with a burst of narcissistic rage.

4. They Show a Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists think that others ought to offer them special favors and immediately fulfill their requests without question. If such treatment isn’t given to them, they may become impatient or angry, or give others the passive-aggressive silent treatment. They view others as existing primarily to serve their needs, abusing them and disregarding their wants and desires.

Howes mentions, “This need for affirmation and belief that they are the best will result in a narcissistic boss taking credit for their subordinates’ work when talking to their managers. They’ll also likely blame those subordinates and external influences when something goes wrong. They will likely feel comfortable challenging their bosses as they think they are better than them.”

5. They Take Advantage of Others

Many people are naturally drawn to narcissists, as they can present themselves as attractive, charismatic, and charming. Thus, a narcissistic boss may not have any issues getting people to do what they want, even causing work burnout for those under them. They are easily bored and seek constant entertainment wherever they can get it.

6. They Are Envious of Others

Because of their low self-esteem and need to be superior to others, narcissists see people who have things they lack—such as tangible items, status, or admiration—as threats. They don’t understand why they don’t have everything they want when they want it, and seek vengeance toward those who seem to stand in their way of getting the satisfaction that they feel entitled to.

7. They Lack Empathy

Narcissists are unable to empathize with others or understand that others may have struggles of their own. Even if they do recognize other people’s struggles, they don’t understand why these people don’t change according to their own needs.

8. They Have Boundless Ambitions

Having goals or ambitions in life is a good thing, but narcissists make their dreams the center of their world and expect others to want for them what they want for themselves. Because they feel superior to others and want to believe others find them naturally special, they often set endless ambitions for themselves. Narcissist bosses fantasize about not only doing their best but being the best. When they fall short, they are enraged or deeply disappointed to the point of depressive thinking.

9. They Are Incredibly Insecure

This may be counterintuitive when you first meet a narcissist because they come across as charming, entitled, and believing they are superior to others, but people who suffer from narcissism are usually incredibly insecure which is why they feel the need to put others down. They often speak of people who are liars or disloyal but they are unwilling to recognize these traits in themselves.

10. They Are Remarkably Charming

On first impression, narcissists come off as charming and confident, but as the relationship develops if they are no longer perceived that way, they become denigrating of others and sometimes aggressive. People are generally drawn to narcissists at first because of their confidence and charm, though many find them suspect and vying for attention.

11. They Are Extremely Competitive

In a narcissist’s world view, there are only winners and losers. They will strive to be part of the former group without realizing how their manipulations may put people off and create a toxic work environment. They must make themselves out to be superior to everybody else. Their incessant need to win contributes to their inability to embrace another person’s success. It’s all win or all lose, leading to depression if they think they’re losing.

12. They Hold Long-Lasting Grudges

Narcissists harbor vengeance toward those who insult or disapprove of them or don’t give them what they want. They take any perceived slight as a personal attack, and hold long grudges.

13. They Find Criticism Intolerable

Narcissists are unable to cope when things don’t go their way and will be hard-pressed to ever admit fault when they are wrong. This makes it impossible for them to take any kind of criticism, even if it’s constructive.

14. They Are Constantly on the Go

Narcissists push others to attend concerts, plays, expensive dinners, and prestigious parties because they can’t be idle. To be idle is to feel the inner tension of maybe not being as superior as they believe. Others are put off by this constant pressure to “do,” and the narcissist can’t relax alone or enjoy their own company except as a respite from their inner strivings. They may travel extensively and feel they deserve the best accommodations in planes and hotels.

15. They Get Their Supply From Having “Great” Communal Skills

Many bosses may be communal narcissists. They tend to have qualities which include using workplace events to create drama or start trouble. They come off as a martyr but find ways to get narcissist supply from others. They describe their work journey as a mission or a higher calling, positioning themselves away from achievement through merit.